Lottery Win

A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, "Susan, pack your things. I just won the National Lottery!’

‘Brilliant,’ replied Susan, ‘shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ 

‘I don't care.’ the man said, ‘just so long as you're out of the house by noon!’

Lottery Prayer

Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help. He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win. Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’ Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck. Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself: ‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket.’

Letter

Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.

I was such a fool. Please forgive me. Your absence is breaking my heart. Nobody could ever take your place. I love you with all my heart.  Please take me back into your heart,

All My Love

Margaret

.P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

Redneck Lottery Winner

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

...  Dear State Lottery Commission:

I know I chose the winning numbers for Wednesday's Lotto drawing.

But upon further review, it appears the incorrect numbers appeared on my ticket. How could this happen? The root cause of this dilemma is the form I filled out to get my ticket. The form is very confusing. I thought I was choosing one set of numbers, (the winning numbers), when in reality I chose a completely different set of numbers. The numbers and boxes on the form are so close together, it's impossible to determine which box to fill in for which number.

I checked with at least 3,000 other people, and they all had the exact same problem. I'm sure if you review the form I filled out, it will become very clear that I'm entitled to the money from Wednesday's drawing.

Please reply with the date, time, and location, for me to collect the winnings due to me.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Al Gore